oops, I did it again

It has recently been gnawing at my brain like a slow, but increasingly painful memory. I have not written anything down in months. Not that I haven’t thought about…oh my how I have thought about it. But it seems that every time I get just a little bit excited about something, a switch flips in my head and I suddenly and inexplicably have zero interest in it. And I am talking about things that I love. Not chores, work, or social commitments, but things that I enjoy doing. I was just having a conversation with my wife about this very thing tonight.

So I have been slightly disappointed with myself for several weeks now as the realization has set in that I have been sitting on this website waiting for magic to happen without a single shred of effort from me. Not one key stroke, not a sentence, not even “research.” And all of this time, I have had access to a computer and smart phone, the internet, and free time (although that last one has admittedly been inconsistent at best). But there is a silver lining to all of this wallowing. Not the one I would have chosen, but a kernel of wisdom none the less…Your’ success is directly proportional to the amount of effort you invest!

Now, I realize that this is not news to most, if not all of you beautiful people. Heck, it’s not even news to me. But I was humbled when I realized that I had spent the better part of the last two months hardly cracking open this laptop. I mean, I didn’t even really open it to play around on the internet or anything. I kind of just avoided it all together like it was a tax form or something. And that isn’t even really the amazing part to me. I am most shocked by the fact that I really enjoy writing. I can write about nothing in particular and still feel like it was not time waisted. But then the problem never really was the writing was it? No. The problem was, and is, personal expectation.

You see, no one is perfect. We all know this. But what myself, and others like me tend to do, is use that fact as a wall instead of a staircase. What I mean is, I set very high standards for myself. I always have, and I probably always will. And so instead of acknowledging that I am not a subject matter expert, and taking that as an opportunity to learn and grow in my craft, I decide that if I can not put out a perfect product I just won’t put out a product. I don’t do this for “wrong” reasons per se. I really don’t want to waste anyone’s time with a sub-par blog or story of any kind. But as proof of my commitment to change, I am going to start by only proofreading this as I go. I know it won’t read right to some…or all of you. But it is here. It exists. And it is only the first step of many up the staircase.

What hurdles do you build for yourself? Are you like me, and struggle with the thought that something is not worth doing if you can’t be perfect, or do you have a different demon that kills your passion? I would love to hear from anyone reading this, if you have the time and desire to share that is. I hope whatever hurdle you are facing today, that you can take step back, and look for your staircase.

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2 Comments on “oops, I did it again

  1. Just like working out eh? Like Yoda says do or do not, there is no try… you either write if you want to write or work out if you want to work out. Either one will produce results toward their respective ends. The one that gets me is… do devotions or don’t do devotions. The expected result is either being close to God or being a distant follower… easy to get distracted, even from the things you love the most.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Easy indeed. But I have found the more difficult discipline, at least in my life, is prayer. I don’t have a problem praying for someone who asks for it, or even praying for meals, trips, or anything out of the ordinary. But a daily conversation with my creator is often a very illusive goal. Any skills or talent can succumb to atrophy. Some things atrophy quickly, while others may take a long time to fade. I think big part of that equation is how long you did it before stopping, and how committed you were while doing it. As far as devotions go, I have never found much success in a structured “plan”. Obviously there are many people who do because they are wildly popular, even among non-Christians. I like to take the approach of: What is it that I am struggling with, and where can I find it mentioned in scripture? This often leads me down very curvy rabbit trails (and I love my rabbit trails), but I almost always learn more than I started out looking for.

      Like

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